boombastic

i'm a little bit crazy.

brock-obama:

Owls confirmed to be the creepiest birds ever. LOOK AT THE FUCKING THINGS. If you fail to notice the one on the left fucking SWALLOWING a rat, then you have the dude singing some satanic chant or something next to him, and then you have those two other fucking psychos synchronized to make you feel creeped the fuck out with their soulless dance of FUCKING DOOM.

This is frightening. Lol

(Source: tubaeric)

I need this cat.

I need this cat.

(Source: cineraria)

Dirty Questions

1:
Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?
2:
Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:
3:
A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:
4:
Something that never fails to make you horny:
5:
Where is one place you would never have sex:
6:
The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________
7:
Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:
8:
What is the best way to sexually bind someone:
9:
Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:
10:
What is the fastest way to make you horny:
11:
Top or bottom?
12:
We were about to ____________ but then ______________
13:
[example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]
14:
Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?
15:
Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:
16:
Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:
17:
Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:
18:
Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:
19:
Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]
20:
Is it ever okay to not use a condom:
21:
Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?
22:
A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:
23:
How big is too big (peniswise):
24:
One sexual thing you would never do:
25:
Biggest turn on:
26:
Three spots that drive you insane:
27:
Worst possible time to get horny:
28:
Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:
29:
Worst sexual idea you ever had:
30:
How much fapping is too much fapping:
31:
Best sexual complement you ever got:
32:
Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:
33:
Is it good sex if you don’t nut:
34:
Fill in the blanks: "If they ____________, we are fuckin"
35:
What your favorite part of your body:
36:
Favorite foreplay activities:
37:
Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to]
38:
What do you wear to bed?
39:
When was the first time you masturbated:
40:
Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?
41:
Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?
42:
Have/would you ever have sex outside?
43:
Have/would you ever had a threesome?
44:
What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?
45:
Have/would you ever masturbate at work?
46:
Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?
47:
What is one song you’d like to have sex to?
48:
What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?
49:
Most attractive celebrity?
50:
Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?
51:
If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now
52:
Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?
53:
What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?
54:
Do you have stretch marks?
55:
How do you feel about your stretch marks?
56:
Has anyone ever had a problem with your stretch marks?
57:
Do you like giving head? (why/why not)
58:
How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?
59:
How would you feel about taking someones virginity?
60:
Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?
61:
Is there anything you do on tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?
62:
Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)
63:
Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?
64:
Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?
65:
Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?
66:
Do you watch porn?
67:
How small is too small?
68:
Have you ever been called a freak? Why?
69:
Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?
70:
Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?
71:
Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?
72:
Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?
73:
If you could give yourself head, would you?
74:
Booty or Boobs?
75:
If you had a penis, what would you name it?
76:
Have you ever been on an official date?
77:
Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)
78:
If you were a stripper, what would your name be?
79:
Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)
80:
How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?
81:
What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina
lolol these are dirty

My life is some sort of sick joke.

This just made me laugh out loud in my room. Great start to a day.

*Some being all

I&#8217;m so in love with you.

I’m so in love with you.

(Source: staypozitive)

[Flash 10 is required to watch video]

hunkypunkymonkey:

today’s French lesson: Johan se fait enculer en sous sol par Le Beur

I would have nearly all of thoae

(Source: kimpotence)

robonmyknob:

sexualintenti0ns:

stephaniekilbury:

Cried when I read this.
“They told me the big black Lab’s name was Reggie, as I looked at him lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people really friendly. I’d only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves when you pass them on the street.
But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new life here, and I thought a dog couldn’t hurt. Give me someone to talk to. And I had just seen Reggie’s advertisement on the local news. The shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they said the people who had come down to see him just didn’t look like “Lab people,” whatever that meant. They must’ve thought I did.But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me Reggie and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys almost all of which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes and a sealed letter from his previous owner.See, Reggie and I didn’t really hit it off when we got home. We struggled for two weeks (which is how long the shelter told me to give him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was the fact that I was trying to adjust, too.Maybe we were too much alike.I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten about that. “Okay, Reggie,” I said out loud, “let’s see if your previous owner has any advice.”____________ _________ _________ _________To Whomever Gets My Dog:Well, I can’t say that I’m happy you’re reading this, a letter I told the shelter could only be opened by Reggie’s new owner. I’m not even happy writing it. He knew something was different.So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you bond with him and he with you.First, he loves tennis balls. The more the merrier. Sometimes I think he’s part squirrel, the way he hoards them. He usually always has two in his mouth, and he tries to get a third in there. Hasn’t done it yet. Doesn’tmatter where you throw them, he’ll bound after them, so be careful. Don’t do it by any roads.Next, commands. Reggie knows the obvious ones —-“sit,” “stay,” “come,” “heel.”He knows hand signals, too: He knows “ball” and “food” and “bone” and “treat” like nobody’s business.Feeding schedule: twice a day, regular store-bought stuff; the shelter has the brand.He’s up on his shots. Be forewarned: Reggie hates the vet. Good luck getting him in the car. I don’t know how he knows when it’s time to go to the vet, but he knows.Finally, give him some time. It’s only been Reggie and me for his whole life. He’s gone everywhere with me, so please include him on your daily car rides if you can. He sits well in the backseat, and he doesn’t bark or complain. He just loves to be around people, and me most especially.And that’s why I need to share one more bit of info with you…His name’s not Reggie. He’s a smart dog, he’ll get used to it and will respond to it, of that I have no doubt. But I just couldn’t bear to give them his real name. But if someone is reading this … well it means that his new owner should know his real name. His real name is “Tank.” Because, that is what I drive.I told the shelter that they couldn’t make “Reggie” available for adoption until they received word from my company commander. You see, my parents are gone, I have no siblings, no one I could’ve left Tank with .. and it was my only real request of the Army upon my deployment to Iraq, that they make one phone call to the shelter … in the “event” … to tell them that Tank could be put up for adoption. Luckily, my CO is a dog-guy, too, and he knew where my platoon was headed. He said he’d do it personally. And if you’re reading this, then he made good on his word.Tank has been my family for the last six years, almost as long as the Army has been my family. And now I hope and pray that you make him part of your family, too, and that he will adjust and come to love you the same way heloved me.If I have to give up Tank to keep those terrible people from coming to the US I am glad to have done so. He is my example of service and of love. I hope I honored him by my service to my country and comrades.All right, that’s enough. I deploy this evening and have to drop this letter off at the shelter. Maybe I’ll peek in on him and see if he finally got that third tennis ball in his mouth.Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss goodnight - every night - from me.Thank you,Paul Mallory____________ _________ _________ _______I folded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope. Sure, I had heard of Paul Mallory, everyone in town knew him, even new people like me. Local kid, killed in Iraq a few months ago and posthumously earning the SilverStar when he gave his life to save three buddies. Flags had been at half-mast all summer.I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring at the dog.“Hey, Tank,” I said quietly.The dog’s head whipped up, his ears cocked and his eyes bright.“C’mere boy.”He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor. He sat in front of me, his head tilted, searching for the name he hadn’t heard in months. “Tank,” I whispered.His tail swished.I kept whispering his name, over and over, and each time, his ears lowered, his eyes softened, and his posture relaxed as a wave of contentment just seemed to flood him. I stroked his ears, rubbed his shoulders, buried myface into his scruff and hugged him.“It’s me now, Tank, just you and me. Your old pal gave you to me.” Tank reached up and licked my cheek.“So whatdaya say we play some ball?” His ears perked again.“Yeah? Ball? You like that? Ball?”Tank tore from my hands and disappeared into the next room. And when he came back, he had three tennis balls in his mouth.”

Awwwwww

legit tears

robonmyknob:

sexualintenti0ns:

stephaniekilbury:

Cried when I read this.

“They told me the big black Lab’s name was Reggie, as I looked at him lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people really friendly. I’d only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves when you pass them on the street.


But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new life here, and I thought a dog couldn’t hurt. Give me someone to talk to. And I had just seen Reggie’s advertisement on the local news. The shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they said the people who had come down to see him just didn’t look like “Lab people,” whatever that meant. They must’ve thought I did.

But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me Reggie and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys almost all of which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes and a sealed letter from his previous owner.

See, Reggie and I didn’t really hit it off when we got home. We struggled for two weeks (which is how long the shelter told me to give him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was the fact that I was trying to adjust, too.
Maybe we were too much alike.

I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten about that. “Okay, Reggie,” I said out loud, “let’s see if your previous owner has any advice.”
____________ _________ _________ _________

To Whomever Gets My Dog:

Well, I can’t say that I’m happy you’re reading this, a letter I told the shelter could only be opened by Reggie’s new owner. I’m not even happy writing it. He knew something was different.

So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you bond with him and he with you.

First, he loves tennis balls. The more the merrier. Sometimes I think he’s part squirrel, the way he hoards them. He usually always has two in his mouth, and he tries to get a third in there. Hasn’t done it yet. Doesn’t
matter where you throw them, he’ll bound after them, so be careful. Don’t do it by any roads.

Next, commands. Reggie knows the obvious ones —-“sit,” “stay,” “come,” “heel.”

He knows hand signals, too: He knows “ball” and “food” and “bone” and “treat” like nobody’s business.

Feeding schedule: twice a day, regular store-bought stuff; the shelter has the brand.

He’s up on his shots. Be forewarned: Reggie hates the vet. Good luck getting him in the car. I don’t know how he knows when it’s time to go to the vet, but he knows.

Finally, give him some time. It’s only been Reggie and me for his whole life. He’s gone everywhere with me, so please include him on your daily car rides if you can. He sits well in the backseat, and he doesn’t bark or complain. He just loves to be around people, and me most especially.

And that’s why I need to share one more bit of info with you…His name’s not Reggie. He’s a smart dog, he’ll get used to it and will respond to it, of that I have no doubt. But I just couldn’t bear to give them his real name. But if someone is reading this … well it means that his new owner should know his real name. His real name is “Tank.” Because, that is what I drive.

I told the shelter that they couldn’t make “Reggie” available for adoption until they received word from my company commander. You see, my parents are gone, I have no siblings, no one I could’ve left Tank with .. and it was my only real request of the Army upon my deployment to Iraq, that they make one phone call to the shelter … in the “event” … to tell them that Tank could be put up for adoption. Luckily, my CO is a dog-guy, too, and he knew where my platoon was headed. He said he’d do it personally. And if you’re reading this, then he made good on his word.

Tank has been my family for the last six years, almost as long as the Army has been my family. And now I hope and pray that you make him part of your family, too, and that he will adjust and come to love you the same way he
loved me.

If I have to give up Tank to keep those terrible people from coming to the US I am glad to have done so. He is my example of service and of love. I hope I honored him by my service to my country and comrades.

All right, that’s enough. I deploy this evening and have to drop this letter off at the shelter. Maybe I’ll peek in on him and see if he finally got that third tennis ball in his mouth.

Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss goodnight - every night - from me.

Thank you,

Paul Mallory
____________ _________ _________ _______

I folded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope. Sure, I had heard of Paul Mallory, everyone in town knew him, even new people like me. Local kid, killed in Iraq a few months ago and posthumously earning the Silver
Star when he gave his life to save three buddies. Flags had been at half-mast all summer.

I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring at the dog.

“Hey, Tank,” I said quietly.

The dog’s head whipped up, his ears cocked and his eyes bright.

“C’mere boy.”

He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor. He sat in front of me, his head tilted, searching for the name he hadn’t heard in months. “Tank,” I whispered.

His tail swished.

I kept whispering his name, over and over, and each time, his ears lowered, his eyes softened, and his posture relaxed as a wave of contentment just seemed to flood him. I stroked his ears, rubbed his shoulders, buried my
face into his scruff and hugged him.

“It’s me now, Tank, just you and me. Your old pal gave you to me.” Tank reached up and licked my cheek.

“So whatdaya say we play some ball?” His ears perked again.

“Yeah? Ball? You like that? Ball?”

Tank tore from my hands and disappeared into the next room. And when he came back, he had three tennis balls in his mouth.”

Awwwwww

legit tears

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